I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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