worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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