If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
