Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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