Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
