the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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