he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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