Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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