The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize