Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
