I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
