I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize