I think i peed on brittanys purse
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
