Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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