Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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