At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize