My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
