Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
