I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize