Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
