Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
