i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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