My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
