I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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