I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
