I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize