I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
