I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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