he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
