just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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