Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
