somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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