I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
