Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
