My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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