PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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