Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
