he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
