I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
