Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
