He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
