Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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