i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
