Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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