I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
