and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
