What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
