Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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