Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
