Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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