I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
