i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
