Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
