Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
