my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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