i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
