I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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