i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
