Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
