I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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