Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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