is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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