I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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