I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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