And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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