Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
