i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
