i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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