Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
